But how would you react when she starts blabbering away about: how we would all perish if Minister Mentor (touch wood) kicked the bucket, how the nation's reserves are somehow locked away by him and only his family and himself and President Nathan hold the "KEY" to the reserves, and why we should all migrate to Hong Kong, Laos or Cambodia in order to escape this "imminent catastrophe".

Obviously the group of us were sniggering away at her comments, poking at her ridiculous statements, which were by themselves close to acts of treason. We did what we thought of as smart: to take off our school badges in order to conveniently hide our identity in the unlikely event of her strolling over to us and giving us a lecture on why we should ditch Singapore as soon as we finish JC/UNI education.

The couple of secondary school students she prayed on cleverly and literally 'walked' their way out of the conversation with a curt, but highly laugh-inducing, "Bye Bye." Smart kids. But they were all packed and ready to leave, anyway, so it was easy for them.

As our LADY OF LIGHT [LOL] herself began to make a move, we prayed for her to leave us ALONE. But you never really get what you wish for. What transpired next was a figure of enlightenment raining her perfectly logical concepts upon us. :D

To put it bluntly, she made our MM and beloved Nathan sound like enemies of the state.


Transcript of the Lecture (Video/Photo Coverage not available in order to protect identities of participants):


Lady of Light [LOL]: Eh! 你们是华中的是不是?

Representatives of S6C [all saying "f***, take off badge no use" in their heads]: Uhhh... yeah...

LOL: 你们在 BUKIT TIMAH 的为什么跑来 JURONG EAST?

LOL: Eh 我告诉你们 ah, 那个李光耀一死啊, 我们也会跟着死的! 新加坡的 RESERVE ah, 只有他有那个 KEY leh. 而且只有他的家人还有儿子有 DUPLICATE!! Ah 还有那个 MANG GALI. 就这样. 所以他一死, 我们全新加坡也会跟他死的!!!

S6C: er... er... 你是说他把 RESERVE 放进保险箱里面 harh?

LOL [sinister smile upon hearing someone who "shares" her opinion]: 对啦!

S6C: 没有 leh, RESERVE 不是整个政府管理的 meh?

LOL: 你说什么!??!?!?!?!? 我跟你讲, 只有 LEE KUAN YEW 有那个开 RESERVES 的 KEY!!! 你们懂吗!??!!?!?? 还有啊, 你们最好赶快读完书后移民到别国去! 去香港最好! 你懂我的 NEPHEW hor, 他在香港搞大那边女孩子的肚子, 然后那边的政府就给他 CITIZEN, 因为政府要他照顾那个女孩!

S6C: er... er... er.. *wtf wtf wtf wtf this is ridiculous*

LOL: OI 听懂了吗? 你去那边搞大别人的肚子, 就可以了! 我告诉你们, 不要去 BANGKOK, VIETNAM 那边! 你搞大那边的女孩子, 政府很小气的, 不会给你 CITIZENSHIP! 尤其是那个 VIETNAM, wah 我不喜欢他们...

S6C [in a bid to end the meaningful convo for good]: uh.. uh... 对! 对! 当然, 我们以后长大一定会那样做的! Mmmm!!!

LOL: 会 hor, 记得移民 hor... 他妈的, 那个 MANG GALI.

LOL: [limps away with the tantalizing aroma of the tiger Balm oilment applied during her first lecture with the sec sch kids.]


- END of transcript -


We were WTF WTF WHAT WAS THAT WHAT TREASON. Chai Bin came back from his secluded corner a tad too late. He missed the lecture of a lifetime...

Well whatever the case, we certainly don't believe all that crap which made our legendary leaders sound like corrupt prophets. Wtf. Extreme overly-sentimental/speculating senior citizens.

THIS LADY OF LIGHT HAS ALSO UNWITTINGLY BROKEN THE PERFECT PRISM OF SEXUALITY EDUCATION IN SINGAPORE. HOW DARE SHE POLLUTE OUR TEENAGE MINDS WITH PHRASES LIKE "搞大肚子"!!!

EVERYONE IS WELCOME TO JOIN US TO MEET OUR GUEST OF HONOUR AGAIN NEXT FRIDAY!!! THE NEXT TIME WE WILL LECTURE HER!!! knnbccb man.

But we still had a hell of a time poking fun at the ridiculous convo afterwards. LOL.